Sunday, 31 August 2014

Can't Get It Right

Dress(As Top): ASOS//Tartan Jacket//Leggings:Primark//Shoes(barely in the picture but oh well):Zara

Hey guys,
So this post was meant to be up last week...? *I think but Lord knows* but yeahh...whatever. Anyway, I wore this outfit maybe two months ago to a friend's graduation and lemme tell was soo hot! * the weather that is, not me but thanks for thinking that ;)* I was sweating like crazy because of the jacket and I couldn't remove it as I had literally shoved the bottom part of my dress down my pants..classy I know..and at one point I had a malfunction where parts of the dress came out..and it probably took me half an hour to notice after I finally noticed the 'dafaq?!' glances towards me *Lord knows what they were thinking*, all that drama is why this outfit is appropriately named 'Can't get it right'. To be honest, wardrobe malfunctions are second nature to me; I'm always that person who never seems to dress appropriately for any weather regardless of being an obsessive weather checker *sigh*...such as life..but in my defence; British weather. Nuff said. Anyways, hope you enjoy this...rambling and all.
Emily x

Thursday, 28 August 2014

Summer Uniform

A New Leaf

Hey guys,
Today's gonna be a bit of a personal post/ramble and me being someone who's not exactly the best speaker...or in this case, best writer in the world so a lot of this may not make sense but please bear with me :)
So, on Tuesday, I had a college interview and got in *Woop!*. Now, on the face of it, being accepted into college doesn't look like that much of a big deal but for me, a 19 year old who's been out of education for nearly two years due to lots of things such as bad timing,fate and depression, it's fair to say that Tuesday meant a lot to me. I'm not really sure why I'm writing this but something I realised a couple of weeks ago is I'm much more secretive than I thought. I always thought I'm quite an open person and I think I used to be before but now as I reflect back, I can definitely see that my depression and all the pain surrounding it definitely converted me into an emotional introvert. Recently, I've been helping(talking) to someone who's currently going through depression and I've been telling her all this stuff that helped me get better and then one thing caught my eye, I've been giving this person all these points/advice on how to get better yet I was barely listening/using my own advice. Although I've always done this ever since I was young, I guess I never truly realised how important it is for us to follow our own advice because, at the end of the day, we are the ones who know ourselves most..and best.
So I made a vow. A vow to try and follow my own advice. So, first piece of advice for me to follow is to confront my fears and one of those fears is opening up and talking honestly about my feelings..especially the negative ones and that's why I'll tell you something I've never told anyone, my biggest fear right now:

I'm scared.

I'm really 'crapping my pants' scared..not literally of course.

I'm scared about everything.
I'm scared about failing.
I'm scared about succeeding.
I'm scared about not fitting.
I'm scared of the future.
I'm scared about not being close to God in the future.
I'm scared about the next year.
I'm scared about getting depression again.
I'm scared about not getting into university.
I'm scared about falling in love.
I'm scared about opening up to anyone. Bottom line is, I'm scared...a hurt too.
I was so scared about Tuesday that I pretty much never told anyone about the interview just in case anyone asked how I was feeling to which I imagined myself breaking down and sporting a 'Kim Kardashian' esque crying face but with the addition of bloody red eyes, loads of mucus(disgusting i know, but it's the seems like my nose has learned how to cry as well) and mascara stained tears all over my face. Actually, come think of it, this is probably one of the reasons I choose to keep quiet about my emotions especially when I'm struggling.
Now, this isn't to say that I'm not okay because for pretty much 98% of the time I'm ok...but I guess lately I've been realising that, as hard as it is for me to admit, I need help because I can't deal with everything on my own and I also feel like there's a lot of people out there right now whoare/have been in my shoes. I've realised that as much as we find it hard to open up to others especially about our emotions and struggles, it's very important that we do this because it helps so much and you'll be surprised to realise how much we all struggle with the same things which strangely helps a lot because it helps us realise that we're not alone in whatever we're struggling with.
I guess what I'd say to everyone is don't be afraid of opening up to others but also, if people open up to you, don't judge them whatever they tell you.

Most importantly though, I thank God for always being with me but especially in the last two years because I know in my head and my heart that I wouldn't be alive today if it wasn't for God.

Much love and God bless.
Emily x

Monday, 18 August 2014

Music Mondays | Birdy

How are you? You good? Cool :)
I just realised that I was meant to upload an outfit post on Friday but since I'm not exactly known by anyone including myself as being good in timing, I'm not gonna let that bring me too down but I'll definitely try to put up an outfit post this week. By the way, if you have any suggestions or requests of things you'd like to see up here on the blog, let me know :). Anyway, during this last week, I've definitely been loving Wings by Birdy, her voice is pure magic and she makes anything sound amazing..honestly, just watch her covers on Youtube and you'll get what I mean. As always, make sure you share what you've been loving down below :)
Emily x

Monday, 11 August 2014

Music Mondays | Tori Kelly

Sorry for the delay today...and for the last couple of Mondays actually. I'm totally the kind of person who always has a million and one things going on in my mind which pretty much always leads to lots of unfinished tasks...and these are the tasks lucky enough to not be forgotten(please tell me I'm not the only one who does this). Anyway, for today's late music monday, I've got Tori Kelly's most recent Youtube upload which features an acoustic version of the song she wrote for The Giver movie which is coming out this week for you lucky Americans..her voice is the magical,sensational,breathtaking,goosebump giving..ah just amazing! I really could go on for days but you get the message. I've loved every single video she's uploaded..definitely one of those rare singers that make anything and everything sound amazing. Anyway, fan girl moment over, I hope you enjoy this song as much as I have and make sure you share the songs you've been loving lately.
Emily x

Friday, 8 August 2014

Oh, Memories!

Hat: Dad's//Everything else: Primark.

Something I've recently realised is we spend so much of our time thinking about how we didn't do what we should have done yesterday or last week or last year (don't tell me I'm the only one who's been in an argument where you lost so you went away and spent an unhealthy amount of time coming up a million and one comebacks that would've been perfect for the argument which happened hours..days...weeks..or even years ago *sigh*) but the thing is, at the end of the day, no matter how much time you spend obsessing over the past, whether you're drowning in guilt and shame as you relive all the bad choices you made or whether you're dreaming of the 'good old days' where things were easier, simpler, cheaper and happier; the past is the past and there's nothing you or I can do to change it. It's important to reflect and revisit your past because it has a huge influence your present and future self but the key is to reflect and revisit only for a little while, learn all the lessons you can from it and then move on. Reflect and revisit your past but make sure you do not end up living there; so long as you live in the past, you'll never find your future.

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better."
Maya Angelou